Improving Longevity Through Relationships

Improving longevity through relationships is a crucial health pillar that receives far less attention than it deserves.  As we’ve discussed before when it comes to longevity, it’s well documented that only about 20% of how long the average person lives is dictated by genes, the other 80% is influenced by lifestyle and environment.

While longevity is inherently tied to a myriad of factors, Dan Buettner, a National Geographic Fellow and founder of the Blue Zones Project, has identified a few regions around the world – now recognized as “Blue Zones” – where people reach age 100 at 10 times greater rates than in the US.

One might assume that factors such as air quality/pollution, proportion of people who are obese, and the amount of daily physical activity might largely influence outcomes. However, it’s been found that these factors only have a small influence on overall lifespan.

It turns out that relationships are one of the most impactful predictors of longevity.

The Science of Relationships

A research project that followed data across 308,849 individuals for 7.5 years indicated that individuals with adequate social relationships have a 50% greater likelihood of survival compared to those with poor or insufficient social relationships. The magnitude of this effect is comparable with quitting smoking and it exceeds many well-known risk factors for mortality (e.g., obesity, physical inactivity).

When multidimensional assessments of social relationships were considered, the odds of mortality increased by 91% among the socially isolated.

Hormones are believed to play a significant role in the causal connection between relationships and lifespan.

For instance, face to face interactions promote the release of a multitude of neurotransmitters. When we interact with others, our dopamine and oxytocin levels increase and our cortisol (i.e. stress hormone) levels decrease.

Said another way, face-to-face interaction increases our confidence, happiness, and empathy and lowers our inflammation-inducing stress.

Dunbar’s Number

The Oxford evolutionary psychologist, Robin Dunbar, is best known for his namesake “Dunbar’s number.” At it’s core, Dunbar’s number is the number of meaningful and stable relationships you can have at any one time. That includes extended family as well as friends.

The proposed number is 150 although the range of variation is somewhere between 100 and 250.

When examining historical, anthropological, and contemporary psychological data about group sizes, Dunbar found remarkable consistency around the number 150.

This number aligns closely to early hunter-gatherer societies as well as many modern groupings: offices, communes, factories, military organizations, 11th Century English villages, even Christmas card lists.

When the number exceeds 150, a network is unlikely to last long or cohere well.

However, after spending decades studying the complexities of friendship, Dunbar discovered many more numbers that shape our close relationships.

Turns out, Dunbar’s number is less of an absolute numerical threshold than a series of concentric circles, each standing for different kinds of relationships.

A quick summary of these layers:

  • 1.5: Our most intimate, romantic relationship.
  • 5: Our “shoulders-to-cry-on” friendships. They are the ones who will drop everything to support us when our world falls apart.
  • 15: Includes the previous five, these are our core social partners – our best friends. They are our main social companions.
  • 50: Our big-weekend-barbecue people.
  • 150: Our weddings and funerals group who would come to a once-in-a-lifetime event.
  • 500: Our acquaintances
  • 1500: The people whose name you know
  • 5000: Number of known faces.

Relationships Are An Investment

The strength of a given relationship is directly correlated with how much time and effort is invested.

Ironically, despite living in the most “socially connected” time in human history, technology has diluted many of our relationships.

Instead of relying on apps/email/social media to stay in touch, use technology for good – leverage it as a conduit for scheduling a deeper, more meaningful check-in (ideally in-person).

In a country that spends more than $100 billion annually on diets, health club memberships, and nutritional supplements – investing the time/energy into the social fabric of our lives is free, low-hanging fruit with immense ROI.

Curating Healthy Relationships

Many relationships change with the seasons.

We evolve and we grow – so, too, our relationships.

As relationships come and go throughout our lifetimes, the loss of certain relationships shouldn’t be viewed negatively, but rather as healthy pruning. 

As Dunbar reminds us, we have a limited bandwidth for maintaining relationships: every fizzled relationship presents an opportunity to welcome a new one.

One of the commonalities of the world’s longest-lived people in the Blue Zones is that they often “curate” social circles that support healthy behaviors.

Healthy habits and behavior are, quite literally, contagious. Conversely, deleterious behaviors (i.e. obesity, smoking, excessive drinking, loneliness, unhappiness) are also contagious.

Jim Rohn was famously quoted as saying that “we are the average of the five people we spend the most time with.”

The best way to improve longevity through relationships is to begin by surrounding yourself with relationships that fill your cup.

Men’s Health:

Relationships are crucial for men and women in all stages of life.

However, men – especially as they age – are more likely to lack deep, meaningful friendships.

This lack of connection typically leads to one of the most frequent stressors in mens’ lives: loneliness.

CALL TO ACTION:

Men – consider joining me (Dennis) in Woodridge, NY between October 13-16 at the next retreat hosted by The Wisemen Project.

The weekend will combine ancient wisdom with modern science and include:

  • mobility and functional movement
  • yoga and qigong
  • meditative practices and breathwork
  • hiking
  • cold and heat immersion
  • organic chef prepared meals
  • human connection
  • and so much more

For those interested in learning more, feel free to reach out to me directly. If you decide to join, be sure to use the code “friend5” for a 5% discount at checkout.

Preparing Young Adults for their Financial Future

With back-to-school right around the corner, we wanted to use this blog to address preparing young adults for their financial future. particularly those between the ages of 15-24. While some of these topics are especially important for young people, many are relevant for all ages.

Budgeting

There is a common misconception that “budgeting” is restrictive – that one must eliminate life’s pleasures – trading a night out with friends for a single serving of Cup Noodles ramen at home. Not so.

Rather, having a budget simply means that you’re thinking about money decisions before making them. The idea is to become more intentional with your spending so that you’re not forced to stay home, alone, eating Cup Noodles simply due to short-sighted planning.

So, in the same way that a recent college entrant has to learn about balancing their classes, homework, study hours, extracurriculars, and social life, they also need to learn how to prioritize their financial wants vs. needs.

Not having experience managing month-to-month living expenses is no excuse for unconsciously blowing through funds – whether their own funds, loaned funds, or the supplemental money provided by the bank of mom & dad.

Budget Practice for Young People

One way for our children to manage their wants vs. needs as it relates to finances is to give them a sense of agency and personal responsibility in how funds are spent.

High Schoolers

When it comes to back-to-school shopping, consider giving your high schooler a budget to spend on new clothes, shoes, backpacks, and other discretionary items they may need. If you’re feeling generous you can even let them know that whatever they don’t spend, they can keep.

“Want those new Jordan’s? Have at it! But don’t complain when you’re remaining funds only afford you a pair of shorts and a t-shirt!”

Those $60 Vans almost immediately begin looking more appealing.

College-aged Kids

For parents providing their college-aged kids with supplemental funds, consider setting parameters around monthly living expenses.

Always re-funding their checking account and/or paying off the credit card bill in full each month is unlikely to instill personal responsibility as it relates to finances.

Instead, consider setting a monthly amount that you’ll contribute to their debit account. If you’re child exceeds that and there’s still five days left in the month they’ll either learn to love those Cup Noodles or they’ll adapt… or they’ll get frustrated and tell you you’re a bad parent.

In any case – they’re learning through living.

Big Ticket Expenses

Inevitably, there will be cases when your child asks for your support for bigger ticket expenses.

Examples: a spring break trip, studying abroad, or purchasing a car.

Does your child need to fund any one of these fully through their summer job, work-study, or internship? As parents, that’s your call. It’s likely that many parents reading this either self-funded these things or skipped out on them because both parental support and personal funds were lacking.

However, for parents that are lending financial support to children, getting your child to contribute towards the larger goal – perhaps a defined percentage or an agreed upon amount – is a great way for them to have skin in the game.

Developing a Good Credit History

Building good credit history is an important task. In an increasingly cashless society, creating a track record that shows you are a reliable borrower is a major step in the right direction towards financial independence. The sooner one begins, the better.

Secured Credit Cards

Getting a credit card can be a challenge for those without a credit history. This is where secured credit cards come in. Children over the age of 18 can qualify, regardless of income.

REASON: A secured credit card requires putting down a security deposit (think: collateral) that acts as the card’s credit limit. It’s kind of like your little one riding with training wheels again… but it builds their credit history.

We found Bankrate’s list of secured credit cards helpful to sort through the variety of options.

Do note that secured credit cards are not the only way for a young person to get access to a card that builds their credit history – they can also be added as an authorized user on a family member’s credit card.

Establishing good credit at a young age can open up opportunities down the road and credit scores can impact all of the following:

  •  Leasing an apartment
  • Setting up utilities
  • Applying for a job
  • Buying or leasing a car
  • Purchasing a cell phone plan
  • Interest rates for credit cards and various loans

Additionally – there are some basic rules of thumb to ensure that credit is being used appropriately and improving a new borrower’s credit score:

  • Set up automatic payments (to ensure no missed payments)
  • Keep credit utilization below 30% credit utilization (i.e. staying below 30% of total credit limit)
  • Pay off your balances in full when due (i.e. not paying off immediately after each transaction)
  • Make student loan payments on time

DID YOU KNOW: Your three free credit reports can be accessed directly from annualcreditreport.com – the only source for free credit reports as authorized by Federal law.

Other important financial know-hows for young adults:

Knowing How a Bank Account Works

Do they understand:

  • minimum balance requirements?
  • overdraft and service fees and how to avoid them?
  • how long it can take to transfer funds between different accounts and institutions?

Being Smart About Cybersecurity

Many students use shared Wi-Fi networks that are not secure – are they aware of this?
Consider investing in a Virtual Private Network (VPN) to establish a secure, encrypted connection between your child’s computer and the internet.

Renting Textbooks

No need to buy new if you can rent or buy used.

Student Loans & Delayed Gratification

For those that take out student loans, it’s not uncommon to have some extra funds available after tuition/room/board fees are paid.

No – these funds are not fun money. Student loan borrowers should be reminded that the longer these surplus loan funds can be stretched, the less they’ll need to fork over for monthly repayment when they begin working.

Long-term Investing

Children with on-the-books earned income are also likely to be in a low (or zero %) tax bracket. This presents a great opportunity to open and fund the golden egg of their future financial plan: a Roth IRA.

Final Thoughts:

Discussing household finances is, unfortunately, a taboo subject in many families. However, the more proactive we can be in preparing young adults for their financial future the better we can equip them with information to help them avoid common pitfalls and succeed.

So – please – think about those young adults (or soon-to-be young adults) in your life and share what you can. Each of us stands on the shoulders of those before us. Even if you don’t feel that your lived experience is worth sharing, it’s highly likely that a young person could glean gems of wisdom from both your financial successes and your defeats.

Parents: Also be aware of recent FAFSA updates and the pros and cons of cosigning a student loan.

CLIENTS: We are offering an on-demand financial literacy course that your children have access to for FREE. This is not only a great educational opportunity for them, but also something they can leverage on their resume or school application.

Please be in touch if this might be of interest.